Cakes-a-plenty, and other edibles

As my copy of Moby Dick appears to have sounded to the unfathomable depths, I now bring you the first of what I hope will be many informative food reviews. Below you will not find a detailed comparison of steak from steakhouses, or intelligent discussions of fois gras or vodka & caviar... Just regular foods that regular people can buy at the supermarket.

First on our list are the Yoplait yogurts. But not just any Yoplait - the custard style ones, having the gold lid and called "thick and creamy" on the container. To my knowlege, they come in at least 3 flavors: banana, strawberry, and peach. Yoplait has long been the king of blended yogurts, with their products being rather devoid of texture (we call this "smoothness" though, and desire it) compared to the similarly packaged LaYogurt. But their thick & creamy style yogurt is unique in being almost jello-like in consistency, and just as fun to eat. To the eye, when the lid comes off (with some tiny bubbles sometimes showing at the edges of the unbroken surface of the yogurt) it suggests white or pink chocolate, and always makes me feel a little giddy deep inside. I will admit having sometimes dreamt of eating half a dozen of the banana flavored cups in one sitting, although that would of course be an excessive quantity of yogurt!

The next item I want to talk about is Stop & Shop apple bread. This is a typical loaf of sliced white bread, except with little bits of apple throughout. Say what you will about store brand food products (you could begin by saying that they try to compete in price alone), but this bread delivers some really great taste. For anyone that loves raisin bread, and is not aware of the possibilities of other lightly flavored fruity bread, this will come as a welcome eye-opener. But while toasted raisin bread goes great with peanut butter and breakfast tea, the great topper for apple bread, I found, is pepper jack cheese in a sandwich melt. What I mean by this is simply, I would melt the cheese for a few seconds in the microwave, until it's a bit sweaty looking and the edges of each slice are rounded. Of course neither would compare to something similar bought fresh from a bake store... But as far as being an economical and convenient alternative, Stop & Shop apple bread is a winner!

Next up is a product that has been close to my heart for many a year. Entenmann's makes two kinds of cheesecake: The Deluxe French Cheese Cake, and the Pineapple Filled Cheese Cake. While some detractors will claim that Entenmann's - with it's mass-production style and highly processed ingredients and preservatives - has no business selling cheesecakes, the reality is that both of the aforementioned cakes taste fantastic. The french style cake is very soft and features a creamy, slightly tart flavor; while the pineapple variety is made more in the New York style: with a subtly browned outer membrane covering the top of the relatively firm cake, and a crumb crust holding it up from below. Especially exciting is the pineapple filling that lies between the cheesy part of the cake and the crust. Not only is it of a great quality, but the moisture from this filling eventually imbues the crumb crust with a sponginess that makes it very palatable indeed (favorably comparing with more expensive bake shop cakes, whose crusts often are much too dry and/or too sweet to complement the cake properly.) A strawberry topping for cheesecake may be much more common in New York, but the pineapple jam is a fantastic idea and a pairing well worth sampling.

While we're on cakes I will round out the review with an ode to carrot cake. Some of you may be thinking, "Carrots? What, in a cake?" Well if that's the case, then you've truly been missing out. Carrot cake may just be the best cake this poor race of man has ever achieved! It's dense yet light, flavorful yet not oppressive, and doesn't require any particular mood or occasion to taste just right. There are several variants available, the more heathenish ones being "plain" or icingless carrot cakes. But a good carrot cake is easily recognizeable by the characteristic aroma, and very often the appearance of a "white-topped brick-like" construction. Now, it's a little known fact, but the best parts of carrot cakes are the nuts and the raisins... Foolish is the carrot cake-maker that doesn't pay great homage to raisins! The cream cheese icing obviously is integral as well, as it highlights the complexity of the dessert (a complexity which otherwise may not be duly appreciated...) Which is the reason why - and I'll not bring up my secret sweet tooth then - personally I disdain the plain carrot cakes, though they are still worthwhile if skillfully baked with the aforementioned necessary components.